crafting with condoms

The 30-year old grad students contend that old people can distract themselves from the gradual slippage into the gapping maw of death with a hobby.

OK. Want a hobby? Be prepared to make a big investment. You can buy a used bass boat for what it costs to make a scrapbook for your grandchildren.

We are besotted with crafting. Need proof? Take a stroll down the periodical aisle of Barnes and Nobel when you're in drinking coffee with no intention of buying a book...better yet; check out the arts and crafts section. Without a high tolerance for overwhelmed, you'll come away with a facial tic.

What you won't find is a publication for crafting with condoms. I don't know why. They're cheap, come in assorted colors and flavors, and tolerate a variety of adhesives if you leave them wrapped.

A couple of artful applications I've seen:

Unpackaged: Attached to floral stems arranged in clay pots making perky bouquets along a counter at my neighborhood Planned Parenthood clinic.

Unpackaged: Strung together, making a colorful lei. Saw this worn by a job candidate. I fell off my chair laughing. We had a nice chat. She did not get the job. But, obviously a woman I'd like to have a drink with.

Ideas to jump-start the creative process:

Packaged: Sew together to make color coordinated placemats and coasters

Packaged/Unpackaged: Avant-garde jewelry, embellish with glittery stuff

Packaged/Unpackaged: Becomes a stunning evening bag while allowing immediate access to protection if the evening goes well.

Looking for the exotic? Send a grandson tall enough to reach the machine into the men's room at the nearest truck stop and you're good to go.

Happy crafting!