bob

Bob is a Texas Red-Ear Slider. That’s a turtle, and he is about the size of a silver dollar. He was rescued from the wilds, if you can call a nature trail that butts up to a private golf course the wilds. In any case, Bob’s life took a new direction by a chance encounter with the two grandsons: the one with the amber eyes and his younger brother with a scientific interest in creature-poop. You would think that the poop of the common moth has little to commend itself as intellectual conversation, and you would be wrong.

They safely transported Bob home, their home not his as he was already home. The harsh truth is they abducted Bob. However, given the size of his turtle brain, I don’t think he knows that.

Bob now lives in a terrarium on a bookshelf connecting the kitchen to the family room which is akin to living by the Interstate. Amber Eyes oversees the terrarium, employing the artful use of Feng Shui. The point is to keep the Chi flowing in Bob World. There is no plastic grass or cheesy treasure chests. Nothing unusual about that given they are the children of a mother who lunges at me if she sees me try to drink a diet Coke. It’s au natural with free-flowing Chi for Bob.

The eldest, not overly fond of turtles, is in charge of feeding Bob. She doesn’t put up with any foolishness meaning she is the least likely to kill him with affectionate over-feeding. She removes him to a small bucket at feeding time. He eats extruded, paper-pulp pellets with a stench so bad projectile vomiting is the only reasonable response. Bob loves it. He flops and paddles about in the bucket and then snarfs that nasty stuff right down. Along with food there is the added benefit of getting him out of the house on a regular basis.

One day, Bob was observed scampering. Who knew? Apparently Texas Red Ears have the ability to scamper. Granted, his routine doesn’t vary much. He goes at a clip over one rock and under another concluding with a belly flop into his pond from his basking rock. He only scampers clockwise. Some of us think he would scamper counter-clockwise if transported below the equator.

Bob also practices yoga. He’s mastered Breathing with Intent. No surprise there. In turtle world, that’s a technique you master early. Otherwise, you don’t have a later. One of the more elegant turtle yoga positions is Double Fans. Think extended back flippers with webbed toes stretched wide. With neck extended, it is the more advanced position, Double Fans with Handle.

I like Bob. Well no, it’s more than that. I’m smitten. My life has come to this. I have a crush on an amphibian with a projected lifespan longer than mine.